Every person on this planet is in the quest of finding meaning of his/her existence. Why and for what purpose we are born in this mysterious world is the universal question for which no one has any specific answer. However, once we are out from our mother’s womb, at every stage of our life society and shastra provides guidance for our actions (i.e Four Ashrams according to the shastras). Yet, it is questionable whether these principles from shastra are earnest, precise, adequate and suitable to each one of us or not. There are many of us whose standards, virtues, values and morals do not confine to the stated norms and customs .No matter what your beliefs are, to a certain extent you are under pressure to perform your actions according to set ideals. I don’t feel any harm in following it, still, I do believe that some of them should be refined, revised and redrafted in the context of changing conditions and environments.
For me, there were fewer doubts about the actions mentioned in first stage of the life, where we are asked to practice celibacy and focus our energy on studies and gaining knowledge. I think it’s reasonable, practical and doable. One must study, learn, read, and gather information on various subjects in order to be able, and to sustain in this world. Now, for the actions pertaining to second stage (Grihasthshram), getting married and having kids, I had reservations and queries for both of them. Therefore, I thought to elaborate it. First, to decide whether to get married or not itself is the most significant question of life. What level of importance does a marriage possess in one’s life is entirely a personal affair. A person high on spiritual grounds even might skip this stage and directly opt for sanyasaashram. Even a normal person might not have interest in becoming a family man. In this contemporary world, it is not just about marriage, it is also about career, city, location, flexibility and most importantly, agreements for long distance relationship until things are sorted out for both the parties. Even in this scenario, where there are many complexities involved, parents, aunties and uncles will not leave any stone unturned, and persuade you to agree to the “suitable boy or girl” they have found for you. The most common of all the free advices one might get for marriage from elders is ‘first get married everything will be sorted out’. How on earth things will get settled if they are not been thought or acted upon? There are enough examples of unsuccessful marriages only because fundamental questions and concerns were not addressed adequately.
When I found a man of my choice, there were no ambiguities about getting married, as I believed in that bond and was willing to spend lifetime with that person. I thought that was the final destination. Little did I know that one return gift that is guaranteed and comes absolutely free with marriage is the question “when are we expecting good news?” I was not only tired but also frustrated with this question. I was clueless and for the first time in my life, I was not sure what decision should I take and why? To be honest, decision of becoming a parent was more driven by my age, as I was aware about the complications in the later years. Even after deciding to have a child after 7 years of marriage, we were not well prepared for the tremendous changes that were going to follow. We did learn a lot from our immaturities and mistakes, but had we been a little more prepared, life would have been a lot easier. I would not blame anyone or myself but would definitely say that couples should be prepared enough for this paramount transition in their life. I empathize with all those who are currently facing this dilemma. I am sharing my feelings and hardships if it helps them in any way. Atleast, I won’t feel that I didn’t do my part.
Why young couples who are simply adoring and fine-tuning their lives, and shaping their future are bombarded with question of expanding their family? Newly wedded couples who haven’t yet resolved the puzzles of a married life are asked to bring a mammoth change in their life. I am not able to fathom, why are seniors and elders so keen on asking and influencing couples to become parents. Don’t they know that being parents is the most challenging role one plays in their entire life? Don’t they know being parents is the most complex task mentally, physically, emotionally and financially? Don’t they know that how difficult it would be for working parents and nuclear families to singlehandedly raise a child? In earlier times, it was said that ‘it takes a village to raise a kid’. Nowadays, there is no support system for the couples who are away from their families to nurture a child. Considering all these aspects, can seniors and elders change their questions? I do know that our elders were not that fortunate to be guided or prepared by their elders but they can be a part of this wonderful change. I believe our seniors and elders are wiser, supportive and advanced to prepare their children for this stage of life.
I think it would be appropriate to ask, are you ready for the life changing, most challenging and divine experience of life? Be prepared for some sacrifices, compromises, sleepless nights, and tiring days. Be prepared for emotional rollercoaster rides; be prepared to be strong externally even if you are shattered from within. Being a parent is the wonderful gift of lord and so it is loaded with ample amount of responsibilities and moral duties.
Even if grandparents lend their support, ultimate responsibility of nurturing a new life depends on parents. Seniors who are around such nuclear families can help young parents by giving them some free time from child. Couples should attend parenting workshops once the child is in the mother’s womb, not after becoming a parent. One should be prepared before doing it. Parenting is all about preparation, planning and awareness.
“If I only had an hour to chop down a tree, I would spend the first 45 minutes sharpening my axe.” – Abraham Lincoln.
We have to take decisions in which we firmly believe and not by the influence of anyone. If we believe, we will do it with our best of ability. Even after our all preparations, there is no guarantee that our children won’t ask the question Mr.Bachchan asked to his father when he felt that life is so harsh and difficult.“Aapne muje peda hi kyu kiya?” To which Mr.Harivanshrai Bachchan answered with this poem…
जिंदगी और जमाने की कशमकश से घबराकर, मेरे बेटे मुझसे पूछते हैं कि हमें पैदा क्यों किया था?
और मेरे पास इसके सिवाय कोई जवाब नहीं है कि, मेरे बाप ने मुझसे बिना पूछे मुझे क्यों पैदा किया था?
और मेरे बाप को उनके बाप ने बिना पूछे उन्हें और उनके बाबा को बिना पूछे ,उनके बाप ने उन्हें क्यों पैदा किया था?
जिंदगी और जमाने की कशमकश पहले भी थी, आज भी है शायद ज्यादा कल भी होगी, शायद और ज्यादा…
तुम ही नई लीक रखना, अपने बेटों से पूछकर उन्हें पैदा करना…!
😃😄😁
All the best to all the parents and the ones who decides to be one!👍
@Written By: Mittal Chudgar Nanavati~
Mittal Chudgar Nanavati 